Have u ever felt like your the one doing all the heavy lifting in your marriage?
Where u feel if u stopped trying, everything would literally fall apart. U feel like your spouse is just standing there on the shore with their arms folded watching as u struggle to keep your marriage from sinking. & the pattern of your marriage is that If u don’t make an effort then nothing will happen? There will be no intimacy, no laughter, no connections if u do not intitiate.
It could be that your spouse is emotionally unavailable.
8 signs that you might be dealing with an emotionally unavailable spouse:
1. Limited emotional expression:
They rarely share their feelings or show vulnerability…they keep their emotional world tightly closed off & will not let you in no matter how much you push or ask to be let in.
2. Avoids deep conversations:
They dodge discussions about feelings or the relationship, preferring superficial topics. They will dwell on minor issues & turn them into big issues while dodging the real issues.
3. Uninterested in your emotions:
He/she shows little interest in how you feel or dismisses your emotional needs, contributing to a lack of emotional support from your spouse in your life.
4. Doesn’t initiate affection:
There is a noticeable absence of physical touch like hugs, kisses, or comforting gestures that are normally part of a loving relationship. You cry alone & you celebrate your wins alone.
5. Has a hard time empathizing:
When you’re upset or excited about something, he or she struggles to share in your emotional experience or see things from your perspective. They have their own narrative of events & won’t accept yours as also being true.
6. Prefers isolation in times of stress:
When there is a problem in your relationship, they prefer withdrawing and handling things on their own instead of seeking support or discussing the problem. Leaving you out of important parts of their life.
7. Rarely apologizes or admits fault:
An emotionally unavailable spouse often won’t acknowledge their mistakes or apologise…this would require opening up emotionally which your spouse can’t or won’t do.
8. Fights change:
Despite arguments or discussions about how you are emotionally neglected, he or she will show little willingness or ability to make changes.
They are quick to anger over emotional matters. If you force them to discuss the relationship or their feelings, he or she might respond with irritation or anger instead of openness.
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Here are 7 common causes that might explain why someone becomes emotionally distant:
1. Past trauma
Previous emotional trauma, such as childhood neglect or past relationship hurt, can lead a person to shut down emotionally to protect themselves from being hurt again. An emotionally unavailable spouse might have unresolved issues that make it hard for them to open up. They once loved someone, but that person hurt them & they never healed. They just decided never to love anyone that way again lest they get hurt again.
2. Fear of intimacy
Fear of closeness and vulnerability can make someone keep their partner at arm’s length. This fear often stems from the worry that getting too close will lead to loss or pain.
3. Stress and overwhelm
High levels of stress and feeling overwhelmed with life’s demands can cause someone to withdraw and become emotionally unavailable. In trying to manage their stress, they may neglect emotional engagements with their spouse.
4. Poor role models
Growing up without positive relationship role models can leave an individual unsure of how to engage emotionally. If your husband or wife never grew up seeing healthy emotional relationships or did not grow up in a home where they saw healthy emotional expressions modeled, he or she might struggle to provide that in your relationship because they just never learned how to.
5. Personality disorders
Certain personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder or avoidant personality disorder, can make it extraordinarily difficult for individuals to empathize with others and engage emotionally.
6. Lack of self-awareness
A lack of self-awareness or understanding of their own emotions can make it hard for someone to share these emotions with others. If your spouse does not understand their own feelings, it’s nearly impossible for them to discuss or share those feelings with you.
……….Solutions in comment section………
By Dylan Banks PhD in Psychiatry. Expertise: Marriage counselling.
29th May 2024 for
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